Wednesday, July 8, 2015

Bernie Sanders on Unresolved Hostility, Lack of Orgasms

By Emily Zanotti

Literally every day now, I like Bernie Sanders just a little bit better......
I'm obviously not a socialist, but Bernie is keeping Hillary on the run and he occasionally says things I agree with (gun ownership is an individual right, religions who don't want to marry same-sex couples should not be forced to, etc.). He's drawing huge crowds made up entirely of white people (photos of which get great play on Twitter), and he was so clearly off his rocker for most of the middle decades of last century, that it's all but guaranteed that this missive, from Bernie's 1960s health and welfare primer, is only the first in a long line of utterly amazing musings.

Bernie, back in the 60s and 70s, wrote for a left wing alternative rag in Vermont called "The Freeman," where he was free to air his thoughts on everything from nuclear war (we're all about to face death-by-poison gas) to, apparently cervical cancer, which he believed to be a psychologically driven disease, inspired by...ahem...stress.
"Mr. Sanders contributed only sporadically… [H]e cited studies claiming that cancer could be caused by psychological factors such as unresolved hostility toward one’s mother, a tendency to bury aggression beneath a “facade of pleasantness” and having too few orgasms. “Sexual adjustment seemed to be very poor in those with cancer of the cervix,” he wrote, quoting a study in a journal called Psychosomatic Medicine."
This kind of thinking was suuuuuuper popular in the 70s, and lots of now-elderly Baby Boomers at one time cycled through the idea that meeting in large groups and airing grievances over crudite and LSD could cure anything from migraines to male-pattern baldness. Bernie was clearly in that camp, though it remains to be seen whether he tried to implement any treatment plans pursuant to his medical understanding. As I prefer to keep my breakfast down, I'll assume Bernie only thought about, and never tried to cure anyone.

Lately, the right has been concerned with Donald Trump being considered as an actual contender for their Presidential nomination. But the problem with his candidacy may be that his gaffes overshadow what should be a goldmine of opportunity buried in Bernie's deep and rich history of being a lunatic. 

(Spectacle Blog)