The Canadian Coast Guard preparing for what it fears could be a massive invasion of boat people from Wisconsin.
Thunder Bay - The Commander of the Royal Canadian Mounted Coast Guard (RCMCG), said that satellite photos had revealed a “substantial flotilla” in the making, as Wisconsinites prepared to flee their repressive state for their neighbor to the North.
“Word has gotten around that we have policemen, firemen, as well as plenty of do-nothing government jobs. You can't blame these boat people for seeking a better life, but we are under orders to intercept them.”
In Canada, officials fear that refugees from Wisconsin will brave the treacherous journey across Lake Superior in the hopes of giving birth to so-called “anchor babies” on Canadian soil.
Coast Guard officers offered our Middle Finger News reporter a look at satellite photos showing the boat people loading their vessels with wheels of premium cheddar cheese, possibly in the hopes of bribing Canadian officials on Superior's northern shore.
“We are telling all of our men that under no circumstances should they accept offerings of cheese,” he said. ”These boat people are desperate and they will try anything. We have enough lazy over-payed crazy people here, we don't need anymore."
Reports of the looming refugee crisis coincided with the release of a new poll by the University of Wisconsin showing that Gov. Scott Walker is now the most hated man in the state, narrowly edging Brett Favre.h/t Borwitz