Sunday, February 12, 2017

Tragedy Strikes Grammy Awards.



Band of Horses Drummer Put Down After Breaking Leg.

Middle Finger News - Staples Center. Tragedy struck the 59th Annual Grammy Awards during a performance of the up and coming Indie Rock band 'Band of Horses' tonight when drummer BoBo Adams suffered a career-ending leg injury and was euthanized on the spot, according to horrified crowd members. The incident did not air on CBS because of the usual broadcast delay.
“It was such a good show. We were all having a good time, and then Adams jumped from the drum riser after the number they did ended..... you know.....a classic rock drummer move. But when he landed, the pop echoed through the hall and blood went everywhere."
“The room just went silent. We all hoped he would pop up, but it was definitely over for him. I could totally see bone,” added fan Trudy Blink, who witnessed the injury and resulting putting down of Adams from just behind the stage barrier.

“It’s not something we like to do, but with such a fragile breed like drummers, there's likely no coming back from that kind of a break,” said Al Henry, a first responder who ensured humane treatment.
“There was no time to get him back to the green room, so unfortunately, we had to put him down right there on stage.”
BOH road manager Alice Beater told MFN:
"At least poor BoBo went out without having to suffer through that pregnant ghetto chick and her whacked-out narcissistic 'LOOK AT ME" performance, or the tribute to bathroom pervert George Michael." 

Middle Finger Symphony Theater

* No Tuxedos Required *

The Late Great Gary Moore

Brought To You By BLUESJUNKY- Chair of Music - Middle Finger Symphony Music Director

Saturday, February 11, 2017

Middle Finger News Goes All Project Veritas and Stuff

MFNS Exposes the Left's Official Guide to Hounding the
Trump Regime Wherever They May Be

We here at MFNS Inc. have always toiled to bring you what others dare not bring. Underground interviews, covert photos and leaked secret information as well as news stories no one else will touch. 

After watching the protest of the new Education Secretary Betsy DeVos, we decided to do our own little 'Project Veritas' and covertly attend the local chapter of "Disrupt Trump for the Next 4 Years Bitches" and record the proceedings.  

Due to budget restraints, mainly because our senior reporter that shall not be named EARL who travels quite frequently to exotic destinations like Acapulco,Tahiti and Monte Carlo chasing leads (we are still waiting for you to file, Earl) there was no money for a super-duper hidden video spy type camera. But we did get a hold of a old Sony Walkman off ebay to record the meeting on a used cassette tape thingy. 


The formal speaker and chapter organizer, Emily Fecalmann, a former Women's Studies professor at Grim Community College told the crowd the Trump regime should be literally hounded everywhere they go, but violence was not necessary, slyly suggesting blooding one's self up for effect and the media was always a tactic to keep in mind.  

"We know it might be more tempting to just hurl a shoe at them, like that Iraqi guy did to George W. Bush whose flexibility in ducking the shoe impresses us TO THIS DAY, but violence is bad, and also the “NOT TOUCHING, CAN’T GET MAD, NOT TOUCHING, CAN’T GET MAD!” method of sustained protest works better over the long run anyway....."
Here are seven of her most important rules in that spirit she told the crowd for when they run into various members of the Trump regime, and what you might say to annoy them when they see them............ or at least the ones we could remember. The Walkman quit working.

* If you see Sean Spicer buying all the cinnamon gum from the store, politely say Melissa McCarthy I just love you and ask for her autograph and tell her what great work she’s been doing on SNL.

* If you see Ivanka Trump, tell her she makes ugly clothes, and solemnly swear if she lets her dad do anything to hurt the LGBT community, the gays and Tranny's will abandon their impersonations of her and refuse to do her hair and make-up anymore.


Persistent Little Bastard Ain't He?


ALBANY, NY - Feb.7th  (U.S. Attorney’s Office Press Release) – Jose Alejandro Balderas-Figueroa, age 36, a former resident of Pelham, Alabama, was sentenced yesterday to time served (six weeks in jail) for illegally re-entering the United States. The announcement was made by United States Attorney Richard S. Hartunian and Chief Patrol Agent John C. Pfeifer, United States Border Patrol, Swanton Sector.

As part of his guilty plea, Balderas-Figueroa admitted that he returned to the United States almost immediately after he was removed to Mexico on October 6, 2016. Balderas-Figueroa also admitted that he had been removed to Mexico four other times, on May 18, 2015, September 7, 2014, January 25, 2007 and June 5, 2000.

On December 23, 2016, Balderas-Figueroa was arrested by United States Border Patrol Agents just south of the international border in the vicinity of Champlain, New York. Following his sentencing, Balderas-Figueroa was remanded to the custody of the Department of Homeland Security, which will place Balderas-Figueroa into removal proceedings.

Friday, February 10, 2017

NASA Releases Latest View of US From the Space Station


DMF/MFNS Celebrates Black History Month

By MFNS Freelance Reporter Roach Clip Johnson Jr.
Editor Emeritus of The Hawaiian Maui Wowie Free Press

* This is a first in a series by Middle Finger News celebrating Black History Month (well that is if we decide to do more, we have other things to do just like y'all ya know).

We begin our series with a true success story of a man named Barry. Barry was born it is believed somewhere in the southern hemisphere during the dark backward days of the 1960's.

Barry began growing up a very confused young boy. His mother was white, his father was a Kenyan and had been married to another woman other then his mother and his step-father was Indonesian.  He was living in an Asian culture, going to a Catholic school and surrounded by Muslims. To top it off, everyone kept telling him he was a Black African American Negro of Color.  

While playing with balls was one of his favorite activities, Barry struggled  mightily at sports being left-handed and somewhat uncoordinated, something that would follow him his entire life. But what he lacked on the playground he made up in charm. At the age of ten, Barry was shipped off by his mother to live under the thumb of his white communist oriented maternal grandparents in the white supremacist world of the United states. While growing up in Hawaii Barry felt the sting of racism all through his teen years.



Barry escaped the bigotry and oppression of America by turning to drugs with the few friends he made in high school. They formed the now legendary drug syndicate "The Choom Gang."  But Barry did managed to get through the haze and graduate high school and fled his oppressors in Hawaii to the mainland and enrolled in the small leftist Occidental College in Los Angles. 


Later Barry adopted his father's full African name "Barack Hussein Obama" to get foreign student quota and higher entrance exam scores as well as affirmative action placement at Columbia University. After Graduation with a B.S. he went to work for "The Man" at  The Public Interest Research Group in Chicago. There he began a life of activism that he would become most known for. Barry managed somehow to get into Harvard Law School in the fall of 1988. In 1991 he moved back to Chicago and did some community organizing on the side while writing his first book, a fanciful fictional biography call "Dreams From My Father" or something like that. 

While in Chicago in 1989 Barry had meet a rather large and unattractive south side ghetto girl named Michelle Robinson who took little interest in the big eared community organizer. He chased her till she caught him. They tied the knot in 1992. 




Finding it difficult to satisfy the appetite of Michelle who was eating him out of house and home, Barry joined Davis, Miner, Barnhill & Galland,  a law firm specializing in civil rights litigation and general mayhem in the courts to help pay the feed bill.  But in 1995 Barry scored big cheese with his manuscript of "Dreams from My Father" to the tune of 1.6 million and he and Michele moved on up like the Jeffersons to Hyde Park in Chicago. 

Barry went on to be considered one of Chicago's most celebrated Community Organizers, best known for his efforts in registering over 160,000 low-information voters all across Chicago who were too damn lazy to get there asses on a bus and get down to the courthouse and sign up to vote.


Barry Soetoro, a true Black History Success Story. 


Thursday, February 9, 2017

Democrats 2017: A Party of Frothing Lunatics


Nan Pelosi, Maxie Waters and Lizzy Warren, the humorist out-front faces of the women of the modern Democrat Party. Pelosi and Waters loony public statements and Elizabeth Warren’s recent actions have led to some humorous headlines, such as “Senate votes to shut up Elizabeth Warren.” after impugning another senator while she droned on in a lengthy speech against the nomination of Sen. Jeff Sessions. And of course, when the left is losing the argument, out comes the race card.

According to Fox Business:
Dr. Alveda King, niece of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., however, said Senator Warren is using the King named to play the race card and stir up emotions. 
“In that letter [Coretta Scott King] would be referring to some of [Sen. Jeff Sessions] comments,” King told the FOX Business Network’s Neil Cavuto. “However, she would agree today that he of course ended some [school segregation and] he worked to prosecute members of the KKK.” 
“It’s almost like a bait and switch, stir up the emotions, in the name of King — and my name is Alveda King — [and] play the race card, which she was attempting to do.” 
In another example of Lizzy's hypocrisy, Warren hounded Betsy DeVos for her support of school choice, a policy she defended in 2003 in her book "The Two Income Trap." 

Where Are The Falling Pianos When You Need One?

Wednesday, February 8, 2017

Shark Narrowly Avoids Consuming Rancid Prey


Barky Does Water Sports

Lyin' Brian Blames Conservative Media for Mistrust of Establish Media

NewsBusters - In another hilarious case of irony, MSNBC's 'The 11th Hour'  host and serial liar Brian Williams teed up guest Charlie Sykes on Tuesday to lambaste conservative media (like the one you’re reading) for being why no one trusts mainstream media in the age of Trump and alternative facts.

Sykes and Williams offered no arguments or examples of how the establishment media have torpedoed their own credibility with false stories and a decidedly liberal slant. Instead, it was an exclusive attack on conservatives for supposedly enabling President Trump to offer misstatements without consequences.

Wiliams welcomed Sykes after his “provocative” Sunday column in The New York Times, which sent liberals swooning. Williams read the following excerpt from the piece entitled “Why nobody cares the President is lying”:
"The cumulative effects of attacks [on the mainstream media] was to delegitimize those outlets and essentially destroy much of the right’s immunity to false information. We thought we were creating a savvier, more skeptical audience. Instead, we opened the door for President Trump, who found an audience that could be easily misled."
Overall, the former conservative host stated that his “concern is not just that's Trump is lying” but “it's an attack on the concept of the truth itself — of credibility and my main concern is that you'll have millions of voters at some point who will basically say, "what is truth?"

Failing to realize that he’s joined an echo-chamber in which Manhattan elites sit around reading The New York Times and The New Yorker while watching The Daily Show, Sykes knocked anyone supporting Trump as "picking the facts that confirm our bias, that support our guy and ignore the facts that don't support our guy. And then we're in a very, very, you know, dangerous place for democracy," he surmised.

Once again, the irony can’t be lost on how this is occurring on a Brian Williams-hosted program. The man who lied about seeing bodies floating during Hurricane Katrina and being shot down during the Iraq War .-  READ MORE

Williams With His Friend the Late Samuel Clemens

Uh-Oh.... Democrats in Their Own Words.....

Tuesday, February 7, 2017

Put A Sock In It Bruce...... Just Play Your Crappy Songs.

Springsteen Throws Verbal Rock Star Molotovs in Sidney 
"You are not alone in resisting the idea that a refugee is beneath you or an enemy, just as you are not alone in wanting to get to Mary's Place for that party. You can believe that a petty tyrant can be thrown aside just as you can believe that Max Weinberg will pound the living tripe out of those drums in She's The One as if he were 22, not four decades older."