Thursday, April 23, 2015

A Whole New Meaning To “Swearing Before the Court”

Not a Fan of Perry Mason
Meet Tamah Jada Clark, a “Floridian-American” sovereign citizen who brought a whole new meaning to “swearing before the court” when she recently filed an obscenity-filled court document titled “Notice: To F*ck This Court and Everything that it Stands For” after a judge dismissed a lawsuit that she’d filed. Clark had claimed that her civil rights were violated five years ago when she was arrested in a failed attempt to break her boyfriend out of prison.

Clark’s April 20 rant is a masterpiece of Sovereign Citizen logic, explaining to U.S. District Court Judge Willis B. Hunt that she didn’t believe for one minute he even has the power to dismiss her case:

We’re not entirely clear what she’s getting at here, because, as in any good legal document, she just launches into a refutation without quite saying what it is she’s refuting. But one thing is clear: the judge is an “old, IMPOTENT geezer” and also a “F*cking b*tch.” It’s nice of her to respect the court by adding those asterisks, at least (we’ve smooshed a couple of the pages together here, to save space):

Ms. Clark goes on to explains that she knows her legal stuff real good, because she studied up for a whole month on what’s really going on in this country:
"Look here, old man, when I told you I AM Justice — I meant it. It took me about 1 month to study the history of the world and to learn the history and inner workings American jurisprudence, literally. I was born to do this here. Don’t you know that your FBI and CIA have been trying to recruit me since grade school? Lol. But they’re unscrupulous losers like you, so it won’t be happening.
Instead, I will educate the People, and hopefully one day, if we are lucky, why will rise up against you oppressive, lying traitors and hang you all for the crime you have committed against us all."
This is easily one of the most important legal documents we have ever read, and we’re quite impressed, especially because Clark attaches a 25-page supplement explaining why no one is required to pay taxes. It is from her website,  which we could easily read all day, but we won’t, because we fear we may have already numbed several parts of our cerebral cortex already.

We’re not entirely sure Clark will prevail in her quest to overturn her conviction for planning to break her boyfriend out of jail, however, since there isn’t a single word in her document about the gold fringe on Judge Hunt’s flag, which means he only has the authority to try cases involving ships at sea.

If she missed something as obvious as that, she clearly needed to study for at least another month.