Online dating services are now a dime a dozen. And while I have never partaken in an adventure like that myself, I have often wondered what it's like to put a profile of yourself out there for strangers to see while trying to woo a potential love interest. During a break in a movie lastnight, a commercial for Black People Meet.com came on the television. The gears started to spin.
Having become an expert at shooting down unwanted advances by black men, I wondered what a profile on this all black dating website might look like, so I took a look for myself.....
Likes: Bubble Baths, Handcuffs, Having My Toes Sucked While Feeding Me Cream of Chicken Soup
Dislikes: Conservatives, Velcro, MSNBC programmers, Cantaloupe, Loud White Girls on Fox News
Name: James 'Kocaine' Washington Jr.
Sign: Middle Finger
Occupation: Independent Pharmaceutical Distributor
Likes: 9mm's, Extra Beef Burritos, Moon Lit Nights, BJs
Dislikes: Rip-offs, Snitches, Yoga, Alex Trebek
Contact Info: P.O. Box 756 Caddo Correctional Center, Inmate #12589, Shreveport La.
Name: Janette Pace
Occupation: Massage Therapist
Likes: Walks on the Beach, Mad Dog 2020, Elephants
Dislikes: People from Outer Space, Lunar Eclipse, Dumpster Truck Drivers, Flying Bricks
Contact Info: Alley behind The Ace of Spades Bar-B-Que, 121 West Morton Street, East St. Louis Mo.
Name: Leroy Jerome Bates (aka 'Little Pee Pee')
Occupation: Rap Artist Extraordinaire
Likes: Big Booty, Rainbows, For You to be My Baby Momma
Dislikes: Hangers-on, Kanye West, That Bitch at Walmart, Satirical Bloggers.
Contact Info: firstname.lastname@example.org
Name: Latisha Cameroon
Occupation: Horizontal Bop Technician
Likes: Cash, Bling, Weaves, Strip Poker
Dislikes: Undercover Cops, Horny Circus Clowns, Jim Carey
Contact Info: Corner of Albert St. and Brookings Ave. Boston Mass. between 7pm - 4am Nightly
Name: Shelton Jackson Lee
Occupation: Independent Film Maker
Likes: Professional Basketball, Pretending to be an Important Cultural Icon, Looking Angry and Agitating White Folks
Dislikes: The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, Referees, George W.Bush
Contact Info: email@example.com
Name: Professor Lilly McDonald White
Occupation: Adjunct Professor of Black Womens Studies, Smarmy College, Vt.
Likes: Gangsta Rap, Unicorns, Barack Obama
Dislikes: When People Try to Convince I'm Not Really Black, Toenail Fungus, Hula-Hoops
Contact Info: firstname.lastname@example.org.
Name: Blind Boy Lemon Chitlins
Occupation: Blues Musician
Likes: Fender Stratocasters, Hot Naked Women, Menage-a-threes, Beet Smoothies
Dislikes: Bumping into Things, Fox News, Brazilian Dwarfs, Kanye West , Seasonal Jock Itch
Contact Info: email@example.com - New Orleans La.