Saturday, February 21, 2015


Online dating services are now a dime a dozen. And while I have never partaken in an adventure like that myself, I have often wondered what it's like to put a profile of yourself out there for strangers to see while trying to woo a potential love interest. During a break in a movie lastnight, a commercial for Black People came on the television. The gears started to spin.

Having become an expert at shooting down unwanted advances by black men, I wondered what a profile on this all black dating website might look like, so I took a look for myself.....

Name: Joy Ann Reid
Sign: Leo
Occupation:  MSNBC Network TV Host and Expert Political Commentator
Likes: Bubble Baths, Handcuffs, Having My Toes Sucked While Feeding Me Cream of Chicken Soup 
Dislikes: Conservatives, Velcro, MSNBC programmers, Cantaloupe, Loud White Girls on Fox News 
Contact Info: Joy@MSNBC

Name: James 'Kocaine' Washington Jr.
Sign: Middle Finger
Occupation: Independent Pharmaceutical Distributor 
Likes: 9mm's, Extra Beef Burritos, Moon Lit Nights, BJs
Dislikes: Rip-offs, Snitches, Yoga, Alex Trebek 
Contact Info: P.O. Box 756 Caddo Correctional Center,  Inmate #12589, Shreveport La.

Name: Janette Pace
Sign: Aquarius 
Occupation: Massage Therapist 
Likes: Walks on the Beach, Mad Dog 2020, Elephants  
Dislikes: People from Outer Space,  Lunar Eclipse, Dumpster Truck Drivers, Flying Bricks   
Contact Info: Alley behind The Ace of Spades Bar-B-Que, 121 West Morton Street, East St. Louis Mo.

Name: Leroy Jerome Bates (aka 'Little Pee Pee')
Sign: Sagittarius 
Occupation: Rap Artist Extraordinaire
Likes: Big Booty, Rainbows, For You to be My Baby Momma 
Dislikes: Hangers-on,  Kanye West, That Bitch at Walmart, Satirical Bloggers.
Contact Info:
Miami FL. 

Name: Latisha Cameroon
Sign: Virgo
Occupation:  Horizontal Bop Technician 
Likes: Cash, Bling, Weaves, Strip Poker  
Dislikes: Undercover Cops, Horny Circus Clowns, Jim Carey
Contact Info: Corner of Albert St. and Brookings Ave. Boston Mass. between 7pm - 4am Nightly

Name: Shelton Jackson Lee
Sign: Gemini
Occupation: Independent Film Maker
Likes: Professional Basketball, Pretending to be an Important Cultural Icon,  Looking Angry and Agitating White Folks
Dislikes: The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, Referees, George W.Bush
Contact Info:

Name: Professor Lilly McDonald White 
Sign: Aries
Occupation: Adjunct Professor of Black Womens Studies, Smarmy College, Vt.
Likes: Gangsta Rap, Unicorns, Barack Obama
Dislikes: When People Try to Convince I'm Not Really Black, Toenail Fungus, Hula-Hoops
Contact Info:

Name: Blind Boy Lemon Chitlins
Sign: Libra
Occupation: Blues Musician
Likes: Fender Stratocasters, Hot Naked Women, Menage-a-threes, Beet Smoothies
Dislikes: Bumping into Things,  Fox News, Brazilian Dwarfs, Kanye West , Seasonal Jock Itch
Contact Info: - New Orleans La.