Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Have No Fear Europe

While Vladimir Putin  plots the next move in his scheme, the United States is trying to reassure our European allies that we intend to protect them with all of our resources if and when Putin pushes for further demands on old USSR territories, including mandatory shirtless horseback riding. 

In an effort to calm the nerves of the EU, we sent the best weapon in our arsenal. The man who can make any woman melt like an ice cream cone on a hot summer day. The man to whom pudding is a legitimate part of the food pyramid. The man for whom the Firebird was engineered and for whom REO Speedwagon still does reunion tours.

We sent Joe F***ing Biden
"Vice President Biden arrived here Tuesday to reassure a set of allies anxious over Russia’s move into Crimea, denouncing the impending Russian annexation of the region as a “blatant, blatant disregard of international law.”  

He’s probably over there so that he’ll stop trying to offer his advice over here, but it’s not as though he can do any worse than John Kerry. Hopefully.