Sunday, October 13, 2013

Obama Appoints Third Party Negotiator in Shutdown Standoff

MFNS - With Truckers invading the beltway, Veterans marching on the Mall and Americans impatient with the President, Barack Obama, fearful of falling poll numbers and the image of congressional Dems, put forth the idea of  a third party involvement in shut down negotiations.
B.J. Kesloski - Nation's Gatekeeper
Due to overwhelming concern over what might become of "the hill" in absence of anyone wanting to take responsibility, congressional leaders of both parties agreed to call a late night emergency vote on approval in the chambers of the Senate and House Saturday Night. 

Benjamin J. Kesloski, an unemployed step-son of a congressman who sincerely wished to remain anonymous, was voted “in charge” for the duration of the stalemate. 

His only condition was that everyone refer to him as "The Gatekeeper" for the rest of his life.

"Yeah, I know some people are worried about my work ethic," The Gatekeeper confessed. "But would a lazy person do this? (holds up unfinished diorama of Congress in the middle of the ocean) I think not. It’s a work in progress — like me. It’s also a metaphor."

With upwards of 800,000 federal workers out of jobs because of the government shutdown for the time being, public displeasure for public servants is at an all-time high. According to Mr. Kesloski, he is fully aware of the gravity of his situation and is doing whatever he can to end the stalemate and win back public support for democrats

"Today was intense. I held an impromptu session on the pros and cons of the president's health care system. I called it “Obamacare vs. Obama-idon’tcare”. I made a Harry Reid doll and a Boehner doll to represent the two sides, and somewhere in the middle Boehner doll jumped Harry Reid doll and ripped his arms off and started beating him with it. I was like, ‘Whoa Boehner doll. Whoa. That’s definitely not in Robert’s Rules of Order.’ And he just looked at me with his beady eyes and didn’t say anything, cuz he’s a doll you know…but talks will continue."

Image by Earl of Taint based on an idea from that leading American, stout Patriot
and fellow member of the Resistance, Bubba