Network Accidentally Airs Footage of Syrian Air Strikes

Middle Finger News Service

The White House and Pentagon officials are furious with CNN today after the network accidentally aired Defense Department pre-packaged footage of a successful Navy cruise missile strike from the second week of the upcoming attack on Syria.

The news network immediately apologized for showing the grainy, 10-second clip of a cruise missile bearing down on an chemical weapons depot outside of Damascus. It came on screen just as anchor Wolf Blitzer was heading into a commercial break, and took him by surprise.

“When we come back,” Blitzer said, “amazing video from Operation T.B.D. of U.S. air strikes on an Syrian  military facility that the Navy says completely destroyed… hold on. I don’t think we’re supposed to use this yet … Are we? … No. So our viewers should… to our viewers, that’s… just ignore that.”

The Pentagon provided substantial footage of the upcoming air strikes, currently labeled ‘Operation To Be Determined’ pending focus group results, to all major news networks last week, asking it not be shown until the conflict starts, most likely in early November. Such embargoes are common, notably in business journalism, where reporters are given advance notice of a news stories or announcements but are asked to delay publication until the source is ready to announce.

At MSNBC, editor Kelly Parsons said the network never considered blowing the whistle on U.S. war plans, concluding it would damage what little creditability the president has left.

“If we expose the war now, we jeopardize literally weeks of hard work by our staff,” she said. “We’ve got the escalation of war segments, the last minute diplomatic attempts, a two-hour ‘On the Brink’ special slated for November, and the big U.N. vote, not to mention all the highly practiced feigned hyperbole of Chris Mathews and Special Ed Schultz.   

“Clearly the existence of this false footage proves America intends to bomb Syria, said Gen. Walid Kaboom of the Syrian Army.  "But when they do, we will be ready. We have already prepared footage of that same strike, but in ours the missile actually hits a Hookah factory and kills 9000 innocent civilians. Syrian anti aircraft batteries also shoot down six American planes and capture a dozen pilots, all of whom confess to something. We haven't decided what."