NEW YORK, NY – A local woman today posted pictures of her recent haircut to Instagram, a normally innocuous act that prompted more internet activity than the birth of the Royal Baby and the “Breaking Bad” premiere combined. The haircut garnered nearly 60,000 initial responses within 15 minutes and was covered in nearly every form of print, television, and online media.
Major journalistic sources confirmed that compared to recent news stories of on-going government surveillance, deaths from the Syrian civil war topping 100,000, and terrorist threats to the United States and allies it was “nice to have some news that actually matters.”
“Typically this level of traffic indicates some sort of earth shattering natural disaster or major terrorist attack” said Internet traffic analyst Cole Johnston “but clearly this is something much, much more meaningful.”
The woman’s personal choice of hairstyle, which carries the same importance as anyone else’s (absolutely none) had divided the internet into two warring camps, one contending that she had clearly been hypnotized by noted Satanist and pixie-demon woman Zooey Deschanel and the others saying that new style “would light the way to the new utopia, where Hennessey and caviar would be served from the skulls of her enemies.”
Opinion remains divided.