Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Martha’s Vineyard Residents Liken Obama Vacation Invasion to an Outbreak of Herpes

by Captain America

Middle Finger News Service - Four days after Barack Obama’s alleged Birthday, the community organizer will be ‘bundling’ his extended family, advisors, ‘body men’, and 82% of the Secret Service and sympathetic journalist off to the beleaguered island known as “Hollywood East “for 8 nightmarish days and especially nights, for inhabitants of the area from August 8-16.

Full time residents say they feel like they’ve been subjected to a real ‘whoop-ass’ by the time the President’s retinue finally departs leaving the pristine island looking like the remnant of an OWS gang bang and ‘choom’ government sponsored rally for the middle class.

To celebrate his return MA governor Deval Patrick, fellow Harvard alum, passed a new budget including a 4% gas hike, $2 a pack cigarette tax and continued to overlook the widening scandal over EBT abuse costing taxpayers over $100M in fraudulent payouts to dead folks, as well as those getting direct deposits to their accounts in the Virgin Islands, Las Vegas, and Dubai.

Sitting 5 miles off shore from idyllic Mashpee, Massachusetts, summer satellite office of world news icon Middle Finger News Service,  beach chairs and umbrellas are springing up to claim vantage points to view Marine One flying the first tribe to ‘the Vineyard’ accompanied by the Blue Angels, and a fleet of LSTs to move the convoy of armored Escalades and the President’s custom “Hope & Change’ Mobile, the one with the bullet and rocket proof glass roof and tinted windows so everyone can see poithat this president remains the most transparently clueless President ever.

Part of the Obama entourage at
Martha’s Vineyard will be
perennial presidential candidate
Hillary Clinton debuting a
new, hipper look in one of
daughter Chelsea’s swimsuits.
The island sports a 4% african-american demographic except when Obama attracts Spike Lee and his collection of NBA super stars causing Obama’s next door neighbor Ted Danson to reprise his Whoopee Goldberg black-face makeup as he acts as the neighborhood welcome center community organizer.

The Secret Service is on full alert, for not only does Massachusetts not have a ‘stand your ground ‘ law, but hordes of groupies descend on the compound and watering holes where the protectors of the president hang out, turning it into a ‘free sex” zone insuring there will be no scandal over an unpaid or disputed entertainment charge. Said the pharmacist at the local apothecary, “there’s usually a run on Viagra by the 4th day of the trip with the boys saying the Vineyard is ‘harder duty then even keeping an eye out for Hillary during the Clinton years!”

No word yet on what Obama will be paying (LOL) for his ocean side retreat, but the spread where he spent the last three vacations recently sold for over $30M not including the cost of dismantling the presidential hoops court, driving range, and putting green and digging up Michelle’s arugula garden and replanting thousands of Hydrangea plants uprooted because she really didn’t like the color or the taste.

All of the special people who gather to be with the President for his ‘vacation’ have similar thoughts on immigration: “We really should do something to curtail all these folks coming over from Hyannis for the day and bringing all those snotty little kids and those messy pampers with them’ said Muffy Steinberg as she handpicked over a pile of jumbo shrimp, oysters and fresh sword fish at the local sea food market, ‘I mean, how can they afford to live like us?”

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