Tuesday, June 25, 2013

City Council Drafts Plan to Attract Better Looking Hookers to Area

Middle Finger News Service

N.O. La. - Calling it an essential element for building future growth and prosperity, the City Council of New Orleans is putting special emphasis toward bringing more attractive prostitutes to the city.  The bipartisan effort has support from city and state government, as well as private sector groups.

“I think the prostitution sting we had downtown a few weeks back was the last straw,” explained Councilman Bo Breaux. “Those mugshots were a black eye for the city...not an attractive hooker in the bunch. In fact, the only one who looked even mildly cute had driven over from Ascension Parish . It’s not surprising no one wants to hold a convention here. Not even a Baton Rouge Shriner would solicit those gals.” 

The city has applied for state money and has plans to apply for federal job stimulus money for the program to mentor local young ladies who are considering a career in 'The Worlds Oldest Profession'. Efforts will also be put into recruiting attractive hookers from other cities in the region and nationwide.
The Chamber of Commerce is also on board with the plan. In conjunction with local businesses, they’ve created a young working girls  networking group called H.O.H.O.H., an acronym for “Harnessing Our Hot Own Hookers”.  HO spokesman Tricia Lockwood said that this is an important element, “We want attractive young ladies from surrounding states who are considering a careers in hooking to realize everything New Orleans has to offer. We need to reach out to them before they make their way to Chicago or New York.”

“This plan is important for city growth in so many ways,” said Mayor Mitch Landrieu. This plan will go a long way to overcome that dipshit Ray Nagan's affrimative action progam for hookers. Our plans, in fact, fit  into existing plans to revitalize Bourbon Street, to bring young professionals to town, and even to build light rail. Think about how much more fun that train ride would be with a couple of scantily clad professional ladies on board.”

The final votes for on a request for state funding will happen later this month after several Louisiana State Legislature   members gather for a fact finding tour in Las Vegas. 

* UPDATE - Former Arkansas Governor Bill Clinton, always interested in state politics and affairs, has thrown his weight and expertise to the issue.  Clinton issued a statement Monday saying he loves the Great State of Louisiana and it's citizens, and looks forward to visiting New Orleans in the future to lay plans and stand tall along side state and local lawmakers on an important jobs program the state needs.