INFOWAR's Alex Jones To Write Autobiography

MIDDLE FINGER NEWS SERVICE

Noted conspiracy theorist Alex Jones is currently in negotiations to write his life story. The working title is, “The Boy Who Cried Wolf Thinks The Sky Is Falling.”  

The details of the book are severely under-wraps because Jones is fearful that the government will sell his information to secret communist Martians who are looking to construct a constitution based on his manifesto and coercion techniques.

It would seem that Mr. Jones wants all who purchase his book to read it, then immediately burn it because he doesn’t want the government to learn his secrets, but also doesn’t want to lose the profit of you buying into his book.  

Jones has been apprehensive about even releasing the title because he’s fearful the government will find the printing press, insert tiny explosive devices into every copy, and then put the blame back onto him.  

The only reason Middle Finger News was able to bring the news of Jones’ new book to you was a promise to never trust the government again, move our organization underground, and barricade ourselves in an explosion-proof bunker while only communicating with the outside world through a new version of Morris Code unbeknown to the United States federal government.

We lied.