Tuesday, March 5, 2013

A Low-Information Voter’s Guide to Politics

The People’s Cube

Are you typically lost when co-workers discuss current events around the water cooler? Do you have trouble figuring out the national debt or who that Ben Ghazi dude is, but you know exactly what’s on Britney Spears’ grocery list?


If you think you only deserve fun answers to all life’s questions… you’re right! This primer will help you look smart and morally superior in any political discussion. Just memorize these big words, explained in easy terms you already know from TMZ and The Daily Show:

BIASED: If you have a weird friend who goes to church and her parents are still married, that’s what they are.

ELECTIONS: These are like the Teen Choice Awards: the coolest and most popular wins. Democrats always win because they are cool and popular. Republicans are more like your weird friend’s parents.

DEMOCRATS: They are like Javier Bardem from that movie No Country For Old Men: super friendly, cool hair, quick with a joke, only wants what’s best for you and completely reasonable and rational if you disagree.